Positive body image

Not sure if it's too random for me to talk about topic like this, but i've got to be honest to myself and to you who are reading my blog. 

Growing up, I was never the girl with perfect body. I was very much inconfident about everything that I was because even my parents put me down. As a kid, I definitely have taken it into heart and would not have think otherwise like an adult. Well, even adults some times are being bounded by what others think/say about themselves rather than really knowing and behaving like themselves. Sounds confusing?

I guess living in Asia, where people have more collective thinking and living culture; it is inevitable to be labelled, judged, stereotyped by the society. This is extremely negative and detrimental to one's mental health, however, we do still practice this in our every day live unconsciously. 

Here I am, 158cm tall- I find it a pretty common height as a girl in Asia yet most people call me short.  I'm perfectly fine though, as long as i can have legs to walk, run, carry out my daily living normally, who cares? Plus, there's certainly some plus points being short too- buying children ticket. LOL

Then again, being tall or short probably isn't the biggest issue for most girls but weight. To be frank, whether I was at the slimmest, skinniest, fattest point of my life, i still don't have the perfect shape. I was constantly annoyed by my body shape. I literally hated everything I am and developed anxiety and eating disorder which some of you may have known. 

Along the journey of recovery, which happened when I moved back to Malaysia, it was made even tougher because i get attacked by nasty comments and was even physically abused. I somewhat made it to a normal being again thanks to my friends and my love. 

However, things got worsen ever since I started joining the gym. I became so obsessed or competitive that i hit the gym every single day without fail. Even when times I was fatigue and drained, I forced myself to go for classes and PT session. Partly also because gym fee is super expensive so i have gotta make it worthwhile, thats how i thought. Then, I noticed my weight has been rocketing tremendously, I look bulkier day by day and it got me super devastated. It was so overwhelming that I once cried to my pilate teacher. 

6 months later, I decided to give it all a pause, I stop working out completely and decided to solely depend on diet; as they say- 80% diet 20% workout. 

To my surprise, I actually lose some weight after freezing my gym membership. During that period, i also travelled to Australia with my love. I realised how healthy Australians are and I absolutely love their lifestyle. I love the fact that every where is walkable, every restaurant provides health options and most of all, there's gym at every steps you take or people are running along the roadside otherwise. My friend, Ning who has been working in Aussie for few years also gave me bunch of advices and tips to train. Her abs is pure amazing. Not forgetting to mention, my love has also been trying to instil the fact that working out isn't about the number on scale but feeling the pleasure of 
doing it. 

Of course, I didn't heed any of those advices. I was so trapped in my close mind and wallowed in self-pityness the whole time. 

What I want to say is, it takes time to realise and to notice every thing. If you persevere, everything will come together in the end. Now that you ask me, why I still go to the gym, it's because my body crave for it. Now, I am highly aware of every muscle group in my body and conscious about my eating habit. When i wake up in the morning, I eventually know which body part i would like to train more on today, whether i want cardio or high intensity & strength training. Most importantly, I allow my body to rest. I listen to my body, attentively. 

In terms of diet, yes I stick to a pecestarian diet (seafood based) as forever. I am also slowly letting go of dairy because it's the culprit of bloat ! Even my doctor tells me, you need to keep trying in order to know what food group is suitable to you or not. Life is an experiment, but do not be afraid to step up and step out! Nowadays, I know exactly whether i want protein or carbs or fats. It may be hard to understand because even my love question about it but trust me, when you listen to your body, you will know.

The key is, trust yourself

Also, with gene factor, some people are born to be skinny, curvy or perfect (for the lucky ones). All you need to know is, do not be panic/comparative/dishearten because you are beautiful as who you are, not what others tell you. Everyone is unique, she may be skinny but you have boobs! ;D

So yup, good things won't happened overnight. So as a healthy body. You may not be able to choose the situation in life but you can certainly choose how you want to perceive and project it. 

I am happy about who I am. How about you? :)



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